Showing posts with label Humorous Stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humorous Stories. Show all posts

1/20/2010

Review of Brand X: The Boyfriend Account (Hardcover)

One sick day changes Jordie's life. The day she's sick is the most important day for determining the required school internships. She really wants the newspaper intern, but misses out on the interviews. Instead she's offered one of the more unique internships, which comes directly from the principal's brother. He works for an advertising agency that makes toys for fast food meals. Fighting to let out her creative side, Jordie is happy to take the position. She just needs to get her mom on board.

Once the position is officially hers, Jordie's mouth gets her into a tad bit of trouble. She lets out some personal information about the "perfect" boy in her pre-calculus class. Convinced that she has a zero chance of dating him, she agrees to try different techniques her bosses suggest. Shared milkshakes, a sombrero, a fake pizza delivery, and a push-up bra episode all end up humiliating Jordie. Can she figure out a way to juggle both her personal life and her internship without becoming a social outcast?

BRAND X: THE BOYFRIEND ACCOUNT takes a typical internship and adds high school drama, creating a book not to be missed. In a strictly science and math school, Jordie struggles to fit in and accept her differences. In understanding herself better, Jordie's outlook on life gains a fresh perspective.

Reviewed by:Jennifer Rummel

Product Description
Landing an internship at an ad agency isn't what her principal or her mother wanted for Jordie Popkin, aspiring journalist. At sixteen, Jordie is glad of the chance to collect "real world" experience and finds working with the "creatives" at the agency a nice break from her math and science curriculum. And the team likes Jordie, too. When her new colleagues decide to make Jordie's business their business, Jordie is flattered but skeptical. They will come up with a plan to market Jordie to the hottest guy in her grade. From situation analysis to "sex sells," the team assures Jordie that they know what they're doing.She shouldn't get upset if their ideas cause her an embarassing moment or two. Jordie knows that the course of true love never did run smooth and that the ad game isn't a simple set of rules to follow but she can't help wondering about the advantages of letting professionals try to turn her from Brand X into a hot item. The principles of marketing might apply to a bar of soap, but finding the right guy...?

In this humorous novel, Laurie Gwen Shapiro reveals with candor how one girl who feels like "Brand X" not only learns the secret of a successful marketing campaign but also discovers how to assess her true market value to become the brand of choice.

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11/25/2009

Review of Crimes of the Sarahs (Paperback)

I was really looking forward to reading this book, I enjoyed Lost It and I was thrilled to see that another book by the author was already out.

At first I was concerned that a book about four Sarahs would confuse me, but that rarely happened, except when it did. I had a hard time remembering who Sarah C and Sarah B were, not because they were similar, but because they were only talked about when they were important to the plot.

The main idea of the book is that Sarah T desperately wants to remain friends with Sarah A. Sarah A is the typical Mean Girl, she acts like your friend but she's more than willing to stab you in the back if it helps her out. And through out the book Sarah T recognizes that, but does nothing about it. She remains friends with Sarah A even after multiple attacks from Sarah A.

I mean, we're talking about the protagonist of a contemporaryteen lit novel, she's supposed to have a backbone, right? Or at least gain one through are the twenty some-odd chapters. But, Sarah T doesn't have a backbone by the last page and I was highly disappointed by that. Yes, she says she's doing the right thing by remaining by her friend but Sarah A wasn't a real friend.

Maybe I'm missing the point of the book though.

I still managed to finish the book, because Kristen Tracy is a great author, I just don't agree with the way the book ended or how the book attempted to cover so many topics. I'm still looking forward to Tracy's next book and if you haven't already I really do recommend Lost It, that was fabulous book. Crimes of the Sarahs just didn't measure up.

Product Description
Sugar and spice and everything nice.

At sixteen, Sarah Trestle has a lot going for her. She's cute, funny, and a terrific alto. She's also great behind the wheel, which is why she drives the getaway car. But Sarah T doesn't complain; she loves being part of the best clique in Kalamazoo: The Sarahs.

Sarahs Aberdeen, Babbitt, Cody, and Trestle aren't out to hurt anyone -- they're simply honing their craft. They start off their summer the usual way: interspersing petty crimes with nature walks, crushes, and volunteer work. Of course, everyone knows that a band of criminals is only as strong as its weakest link. When Sarah T botches a shoplifting attempt, her fate in The Sarahs is seriously called into question. And she's willing to do just about anything to prove that she's worthy....

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter 1

Just like mayonnaise, Raisinets, and milk, every criminal has a shelf life. Either you get caught or you evolve. Much like the amoeba, the other Sarahs and I plan on evolving. Of course, since we're in the middle of a job right now, we're obviously not there yet.

"Should I go?" Sarah B asks.

I view this as a rhetorical question. I'm not the leader. That's Sarah A's position, but she's already inside the store. Sometimes, because I'm the driver, when Sarah A is absent, the other two Sarahs defer to me. Though I don't know why. Among the four of us, I'm the least alpha. I'm not headstrong or decisive or anything. As far as the pecking order, I'm the shortest Sarah. Plus, I struggle with anxiety.

"Give her a few more minutes," Sarah C calls from the backseat.

Had I said something, that would've been my answer too. I always favor inaction over action. Sarah B leans back into the passenger seat and smacks her gum. Then she blows a bubble so big that its circumference eclipses her face. Pop. She peels off the pink film and pushes the gum wad back inside her mouth. Bubbles never stick to Sarah B's face, because every minute of her life, her T-zone is aglow with oil. It's what I call a Teflon complexion. Except I don't say that to her actual face. Pop.

A fact that sucks: Sarah B breaks out more than any other Sarah. Another fact that sucks: Her oily skin will age better than my dry skin. When she's eighty, her skin will be the least wrinkly of all the Sarahs. That is, if we all live long enough to reach that geriatric benchmark.

"Now?" Sarah B asks.

I shake my head. It's not just that I favor inaction; in the beginning, we learned quickly that it was best to enter our targeted stores one at a time. It's blatantly unfair, but salesclerks absolutely stereotype teenagers. Even a group of presumably innocent, Caucasian-looking, female teens browsing the aisles of a bookstore on a Sunday afternoon can send up a red flag. Agism is alive and well, even here in Kalamazoo.

"Now?" Sarah B asks me again. "I feel like it's time."

I nod. I don't know if it's time, but there's so much tension and perfume overload in the car that I'm getting a headache and it would improve the atmosphere immensely if the apple-scented Sarah B left.

"Remember, take the clerk to the board-book display beneath the huge toad cutout. Ask a lot of questions about Sarah Stewart and David Small. Keep the clerk in one area," Sarah C says. She's leaning forward, wedging herself into the rectangle of open space between the driver's and passenger's seat. Her shiny red hair is so close to my mouth that I think I can taste her conditioner.

Sarah B opens the car and slings her purse strap over her neck. For as long as I can remember, Sarah B has feared being mugged. I guess being a thief lowers your threshold for trust.

"I thought it was a cutout of a lizard," Sarah B says.

"He's a toad," Sarah C says.

"How do you know it's a guy? Is it anatomically correct? Did you inspect its crotch?" She blows another bubble and sucks it back inside her mouth.

"First, he's wearing pants. Second, he's a character from The Wind in the Willows. It's a guy toad. Trust us."

Sarah C kicks the back of my seat.

"Yeah, The Wind in the Willows is about a male toad," I say.

Sarah B tilts her head and squints at us, like she's thinking really hard. Her soft lips turn downward, which usually means that she's confused.

"I bet some cultures consider lizards to be a form of toads," Sarah B says. "They both have reptile brains." Not everything Sarah B says makes perfect sense.

She slams the car door and enthusiastically walks through the strip mall parking lot, her brown hair bouncing around her tan, bare shoulders. Until last week, Sarah B always wore a Detroit Tigers baseball cap. But after she almost got caught shoving a box of Oreos down her pants at a Sunoco station, Sarah A was adamant that the cap had to go. She claimed that the bill shaded Sarah B's eyes, making her look boyish and deceptive.

Sarah A was the only Sarah who saw it this way. Sarah B has very big boobs. There's nothing boyish going on with that rack. But immediately following the Oreo incident, while we sat around Sarah A's bedroom indulging in our looted booty, Sarah A grabbed the cap right off of Sarah B's head and doused it with lighter fluid. I was really surprised that an incoming high school senior kept lighter fluid in her bedroom. Then, Sarah A ran to her bathroom and torched the hat in the tub. At that point, the cap became a moot point.

But we've all moved on from the flaming cap episode. That's clear as I watch Sarah B bounce right through the front doors of the Barnes & Noble. But what else would I expect? She's a resilient Sarah. We're all resilient Sarahs. So while it may be true that we've reached a criminal level of boredom with our city, to the point where we've considered committing much more serious crimes with actual weapons, we're still a very plucky bunch.

"I'll go in ten," Sarah C calls from the backseat.

She's the only Sarah among us who had to legally change her name. It wasn't the easiest thing to do. She and her parents had to petition the family division of the circuit court and pay almost two hundred dollars. Sarah A made Sarah C bring the paperwork to prove she'd done it. Because if you're going to become part of an elite club, there's got to be some standards. Sarah A was very clear about that. So, our freshman year, Lisa Sarah Cody became Sarah Lisa Cody. A bona fide Sarah. For the most part, she doesn't seem to regret it. But who wouldn't want to be one of us? The benefits are stellar. The Sarahs are popular, crafty, goal-oriented, and have loads of unsupervised time. My parents aren't expecting me home for hours. And when I do show up, it's not like they'll pepper me with probing questions about my afternoon. A few years ago, after I joined the school choir, they assumed I was on a good path in life. I look like a good girl, and around them, I act like a good girl. Which is cool. I may be passive, but I do care what people, especially blood relatives, think about me.

"Hey, don't you ever worry that we'll get caught?" Sarah C asks.

She finger flicks the back of my head. I rub the area and keep my hand there to shield myself from a second flick.

"Are you speaking hypothetically?" I ask.

"No, like right now. Don't you worry some hyperaware clerk will spot us?" Sarah C asks.

"That's not what I was thinking about at all," I say.

"Even if we do get caught, I guess it's not a huge deal because we're minors. We'd probably be sentenced to make restitution and pick up roadside trash. But after we turn eighteen, we might want to rethink this lifestyle."

"Lifestyle?" I try to glance at her in the rearview mirror, but her head is tucked down. "This is more than a lifestyle. It's who we are. We're the Sarahs."

"Yeah, I know, but once we're eighteen, once we're in college, we should probably rethink it. I mean, theft is kind of immature. We want. We take. Is it really worth it?"

"Of course it's worth it. Look around. We've got a close circle of friends and a ton of free crap."

Sarah C leans forward again. This time she angles her body so she can face me. I don't look at her.

"But doesn't all the free crap ever weigh on your conscience?" she asks.

"My what?"

Sarah C lowers her voice to a whisper.

"Sometimes, I picture myself handcuffed. Actually, I imagine all four of us in handcuffs, being trotted out to a squad car, the lights flashing, broadcasting our guilt to everybody driving by."

Sarah C mimics a siren by emitting a wha wha sound. Then she puts her hand over her mouth to dim the noise.

I'm so shaken up her pessimistic outpouring that my jaw drops open. A light breeze blows into the pocket of my mouth.

She stops the siren sound.

"It's not about the theft," I say. At least that's what Sarah A always says. "It's about the bond. The sisterhood."

"We could get tattoos."

This idea makes me frown. I'm not sure that I want a tattoo. And because Sarah C has the highest GPA out of all the Sarahs and also scored 2300 on the SAT, sometimes her suggestions carry weight.

"Why would we want to put identifying markers on our bodies?" I ask.

"Good point," Sarah C says. "In a lineup we'd be so screwed."

"A lineup?" I ask.

"Yeah, don't you watch cop shows?" Sarah C asks.

"You have time to watch cop shows?" I ask.

I'm surprised to hear this because being a Sarah takes up all my free time.

"This probably isn't the best time to ponder cop shows," Sarah C say. "The criminals usually get locked up."

"Yeah," I say. "Let's ponder something positive."

There's a long silence.

"Can't you think of anything positive?" I ask.

"Stealing stuff all the time is a lot like driving a race car," Sarah C says. "Drivers are warned not to look at the wall when they're losing control, because you tend to steer yourself toward what you're looking at. For criminals that's a very appropriate life metaphor: In order to avoid colliding with the cops, don't think about them."

"I never think about the police," I say. Neither the topic of law enforcement or car crashes strike me as positive pondering.

"Besides the Sarahs, what do you think about?" Sarah C asks. I don't like her tone; it's accusatory. Or her question; it's a little too insightful.

"I think about life," I say.

Sarah C leans into the backseat again, but this time threads her long legs through the center console. Her sandals reach the gearshift. I get the feeling that she doesn't believe me. She crosses her ankles and I watch her toes curl incredulously against the brown suede pad of her shoes. I feel goaded into elaboration.

"I think about life all the time," I say. "It's like a hallway."

"A hallway?"

"Yeah," I say.

"Like at school?" Sarah C asks.

"Okay, but there's no lockers," I say. "It's just a hallway and there's all these doors. But they're closed. So you've got to decide which ones to open and which ones to walk past. But you never know what you're missing or what you're getting until you've already gotten it," I...

Click Here to see more reviews about: Crimes of the Sarahs (Paperback)

11/06/2009

Review of Slo Mo! (Paperback)

This is the untrue autobiography of Slo Mo, a boy who grew up underground in a cave as part of a strict religious cult where he was not aloud to journey to or mix with the outside world.Being extremely tall meant he was really unsuited to cave life and the elders and other cult members didn't really want him around so he was often punished and spent his time shovelling human waste.

One day the septic pipes clogged up and the cult was forced to allow an outsider plumber in to repair them.Upon seeing the freakishly tall Slo the plumber handed him a basketball and wanted to see him dunk it.Having never seen one before Slo couldn't perform this task but hid the basketball from the man so he could play with it later to relieve boredom. He becomes a crack shot and when the plumber returns to fix the pipe again he knows he can make some serious cash off of Slo and since the cult doesn't really like Slo they have no problem with him going and playing basketball for a hefty commission on his payments.

Slo isn't that up to date with the world so this book is sort of a Forrest Gump joins the NBA type thing.His naivety is sometimes stretched beyond plausible limits in some cases but it does help the book flow along.You don't have to follow the NBA (I don't) to enjoy this great book.If you don't take it too seriously you'll really enjoy this light, fun read.



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10/24/2009

Review of Vampire High (Hardcover)

Vampire High is a rollicking delight from beginning to end.True, the ending is telegraphed waaaaay ahead of time, but in Rees's hands, it is the journey, not the destination that is important. Cody's awareness that having things handed to you on a silver platter is not a satisfying way to live life and his growing maturity as he navigates both adolescence and a vampire high school sends a very clear message to the readers without being didactic, heavy handed or dull.Rees knows his pacing, his humor and his subject well.The teens I have recommended this to came away laughing themselves silly while at the same time realizing that how you live your life and taking responsiblity for yourself is more important than the concerns of our status seeking, easy does it culture.Can't wait to read more by this author.



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